THE NEW MR AND MRS DIARY… DAYS 1507 to 1514

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The new Mr and Mrs Diary

MR – rushed to the hospital on Tuesday with chest pains, thinking it was a heart attack, but it was stress-induced angina. David has bitten off more than he can chew. Hmm, I don’t feel sorry for him. I want to, but I find it hard to feel any sympathy for a man who sees a hornet nest and intentionally goes to put his head into it. He’s going to get seriously stung.

What’s going on, you ask? Well, after Mrs Adobi got her husband back, Astonish went a step further. She seduced her driver. Yes, you heard me right—her driver. The man is married with children. Astonish invites him up to the apartment, pretends she wants to send him on an errand, then strips and practically jumps on him. The driver is dazed, caught unawares, and while trying to break free, David walks in and feels this sudden pain in his chest.

What does she say? Nothing, just shrugs and walks back into their bedroom and shuts the door. Thankfully, the driver rushed David to the hospital. And you won’t believe this – rather than confront her, he calls me to ask how he should handle the situation because he doesn’t want to lose her.

Now, what do we do about Astonish? David is scared to even think of leaving her, one because he claims she’s the best thing that happened to him, and two, the oath. On her part, Astonish is milking it. David knelt to beg her to forgive him and asked her to name anything she wants, and he would buy it. The crazy Astonish came close to him, rubbed his head like a puppy, and said in a mousy voice, “ Honey boo, do you want to know?” David, half panting, half shivering, replies, “ Yes, Pumpkin.” Then Astonish laughs and says, “I want a twosome.” Now it was David’s turn to pass out…….hmmm.

MRS – I am exhausted. Why? You ask. Well, I’ve spent the last week getting Tammy to listen to stories of women who have experienced one form of betrayal from their husbands and have forgiven. I spoke to a few who didn’t forgive and moved on; all in all, the majority forgave and didn’t regret it. A couple left and did, and a couple stayed and did. But despite all my efforts to make her see that forgiving Kola is a better option than divorcing him, she still says she needs time to think about it. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, she moved into a rented apartment and took her children to stay with her foster mum. I mean, this is extreme; I’ve never seen Tammy like this; if I didn’t know her better, I would say she’s behaving like a bird who wanted to fly even before the stone hit it. It’s as if she was waiting for the first opportunity for Kola to mess up, and she’s out. She even said something to me a few days ago that threw me off completely.

We had just gotten back from a friend’s place, and she is one of those who left her husband because he lost his job and couldn’t get another, despite still wanting to be the man of the house. She felt she was bringing home the bacon, so she should be. Anyway, Irene narrated her story. She said it initially felt good to be free of her dependent husband. She didn’t have to wait on him and also be the breadwinner. But ten years down the lane, with a few on-and-off relationships, the men have dried out. Now 49, no one is asking her out, and she’s lonely. She got divorced at 39 and had 7 to 8 years of good relationships. Men still wined and dined with her occasionally. She even had an older man who took care of her expenses for a while, but he later traded her in for a younger woman. When she confronted him, he told her off, saying she was old and he needed younger blood.

She lamented about how lonely it gets at night. Her children are in college; all she has left is her maid and dogs. She has no one to confide in, argues with, or comfort her. She said sometimes she sits down and remembers what her mother said when she told her her marriage wasn’t working. She said, “Irene, my daughter, there is nothing wrong with your marriage; the problem is with both your attitudes. You are unwilling to change and compromise and do what it takes to make the marriage work. A marriage is like a car, and it’s where you take it. If petrol finishes like love, you refuel. If it gets hit like anger or fights, you fix it. You don’t abandon it every time the tank is empty. Both you and your husband need to refuel your marriage with love, compromise, forgiveness and trust. Make it work.” That day, she snapped at her mum and said, “Mam, this is the jet age, it doesn’t work like that,” and she remembers her mum smiling and saying, “You will say I said so.” She shook her head as tears rolled down her eyes and said, “Yes, she said so.”

Surprisingly, Tammy’s pastor is not left out. He also told Tammy a story about his brother. His brother, a playboy, felt women were to be used and dumped. He had lots of ladies running after him whom he treated like crap. Used and discarded was his modus operandi, but he met one particular girl at university. She stayed and kept coming back despite the way he treated her. A Pastor, a younger brother, kept encouraging her not to give up on him if she loved his brother, and so she listened. When it was time for Pastor’s brother to get married, he chose her. His family members were delighted; he had made a good choice. The lady would change his life, and make him a better person, and she tried. He cheated on her with her friend, his colleagues, and others. And each time, she forgave him. No matter what anyone said, she kept forgiving and saying, “Marriage was for better or worse.” Nine years down the line and three children later, he filed for a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. It devastated her. She asked herself, what else could she have done? She supported him, lived, and accommodated his philandering. Eventually, he got his divorce and moved out of their family house. He left her with a home she couldn’t afford and no means of taking care of her three children.

But thanks to Pastor’s kind heart and generosity, she got through the tough years. 4 years later, her ex-husband falls ill. No one knows what it is. He’s flown out of the country but found no solution. She finds out from Pastor and goes to see him. He was still able to talk her away with his unkind words. So she leaves and vows never to see him again. A year later, his new wife abandons him, he flees with all his money. By now, he’s in a wheelchair suffering from a degenerative muscle disease. The first wife is now remarried to a wonderful man who takes her children as his. Her Ex-husband left with a houseboy, lonely and in pain. He calls the pastor and laments how he regrets his whole life. All wasted with no one to love him. The only woman that could love him unconditionally, and he treated her badly. But it was too late to cry once the milk is spilt.  I know it’s easier said than done to ask someone to forgive, especially in a marriage where the other partner steps out on you. But Kola isn’t like that; he dropped all his philandering ways once he met Tammy. She means everything to him. You should see him now. Every day he’s beside himself with worry. He walks around the house like a ghost. Mr has had to stay in Lagos to make sure Kola doesn’t do anything crazy. Unfortunately, the pastor was the only person we knew who could talk to Tammy about her decision not to go back to Kola after talking to her. She thanked him and said, “ Pastor, please give me a few days. I mean, I didn’t understand this sudden change in her. She’s become more bold and carefree, even towards us. But then yesterday I decided to drop in on her unannounced and as I got to the door of her apartment, I hear her talking to someone else, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I did, and I couldn’t believe my ears when she said, ……hmmmmm 

 

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