Everyone around me was getting married or engaged. I didn’t care; I would not settle for just anyone; I knew the one I wanted, and he was going to be mine whether he liked it.
I saw this guy at the cinema with 3 of his friends. He mistakenly bumped into me when we were getting popcorn and the way he looked at me and smiled melted my soul. I knew instantly I had to have him. That day I had gone with Wale, my current boyfriend. To be honest, Wale had asked me to marry him twice, but I just kept asking him to give me more time to decide. I didn’t like him enough to get married to him, but I also didn’t want to be without a man. So I strung him along, besides, he was fine, generous in bed, so what’s not to like? His flaws were that he wasn’t tall enough to be my husband. His English was wonky, his family was very humble, and he didn’t have the money I was dreaming of my man having. Still, for now, I could manage him. He doted on me and at least he had a brand new car that his company gave him.
On wale’s part, he had a complex. He was a brilliant guy, but he still needed a pretty face on his arms to make him feel whole. He believed that with me his status in life was elevated and they could accept him as one of the happening big boys. Come on, I was fine, 5 ft 8 inches, really light, long legs, beautiful curves, flawless skin and a law degree. Whenever I was with Wale and he met anyone, he would say meet my fiancée, she’s a lawyer, she just finished from Yale in the USA, isn’t she amazing? Well, he wasn’t telling a lie, I did just get back; I finished my secondary school in Lagos, then my father insisted I go to America for university, fortunately, I got admission into Yale, did my first and master all in one swoop, then I had to go back to Nigeria to work in my father’s law firm.
Unfortunately, I milked Wale’s insecurity. I could say he gave me 70% of his earnings just to keep me by his side. He didn’t know I was just waiting for my ideal man to come along. How did I meet wale, well My dad introduced him? Since I got back, I dated and dumped 5 guys. Feed up with my attitude. My dad thought I could do with a stable, responsible guy like wale. My dad also felt the other guys were a bad influence cos they all came from rich homes and were over pampered and felt entitled.
My mum was just fed up too, my younger sisters, both of them, already brought home guys they were going steady with. But for me Wuraola, no way, I hadn’t found him yet, until that fateful day at the cinema.
Tosan, his name was, I found out when one of his friends called out to him, Tosan Cole, get over here, the guy had said, so I wrote his name, went on Facebook and I found him. Hmmm, things you could learn on Facebook. He was 31, single, and 2nd to the last of 4 children. His siblings, except for his younger sister, all lived in Canada. His mother was dead, but his father was an ambassador at one time, now a business executive. He went to Leeds and the London School of Economics. Finished his MBA, 3 years ago. He lives in a posh estate in Lekki Peninsula and drives a Range Rover Sport. Has 3 best friends and currently works for himself at Tosan Consultants, Victoria Island.
I got all this from trolling through his Facebook page. It actually took me 2 full days and I knew almost everything about him, oh, did I say he went to church also in Lekki and he was an usher, yes he was. He liked smart homely girls, who could cook, oldies and James Bond movies, the sound of music was his best movie.
So, armed with all this information, I proceeded to his church the following Sunday, thankful wale was in Port Harcourt on a company assignment for 3 weeks, so I had time for myself. I got to church late intentionally, that’s when ushers have to get your seats, I waited and watched as each usher took latecomers to a vacant seat, as soon as I saw him, I moved forward, and he said hello, welcome to church, that’s when it happened, I walked forward, intentionally stumbled and fell, I hit the floor hard; I didn’t mind the nagging pain in my arm from the pretend fall, I was on a mission. Tosan gently lifted me up and asked if I was okay, I said I felt dizzy, and he supported me to a back room, where he asked me to sit and he went to get some water, he brought the water and waited with me for a while, although; I asked him not to worry. So he left and promised to check back in a few minutes. When he came back, I told him I wasn’t feeling too well, I would just like to go back home. He asked if I bought a car, I said, no, even though I parked outside, he offered to drop me off at home, and I accepted.

That day he left the church Service and dropped me off at GRA Ikeja. The gateman came running to ask where my car was, I said my friend took it and sent the gateman back to the gate. Tosan helped me into my apartment and asked if I was okay to stay on my own. I said I was. He then asked that I give him my no so he could check on me later.
Later, didn’t come, it devastated me. Anytime an unknown not called my phone, I would pick it up quickly, hoping it was Tosan, but nope, it wasn’t. Two weeks later, with no response or call from him as promised, I went back to the church. I couldn’t pull the falling down stunt anymore, so I just went and sat as normal and kept looking out for him. I spotted him halfway through the service. He was sitting next to a pretty girl, not as fine as me but pretty. Actually, I had seen her with him on Facebook, but I completely ignored that bit.
After the service ended, I went up to him to say hello, fortunately; he was alone, immediately he saw me, he apologized and said he had misplaced the paper I wrote my number on, could I just type it on his phone now, overjoyed; I typed it and then called my no, so I could have his too.
That evening he sent me a text asking how I was and that I looked great today and then asked if I was In a relationship. I thought to myself, yes!, he likes me, so I replied I wasn’t. He then responded, saying would I mind if he took me out on a date next Friday? I said okay.
From that Sunday to Friday, I wasn’t myself. I was so happy, singing, dancing all over the place. On Wednesday, I went for a facial, did my hair, and nails and got a nice outfit, even though I had loads of outfits, this date was special, it was with my husband to be, I had to get something new, exquisite and expensive to wear.
Wale called twice a day, I just said hello and told him I was fine and got on with my day. But Tosan, I sent him, “how are you doing?” texts every morning, and his response would be, “fine dearie and you? “.
On Friday he turned up in a 2 door jaguar, not the range rover I saw him with on Facebook and he took me to a nice club on the island, we danced, talked and danced some more, around 2 am, he asked if I won’t mind spending the night at his; I feigned surprise and said of course I mind; he apologized and said he was a bit tipsy, he won’t be able to drive to the mainland and back to his place, so if I don’t mind could I just come over to his, wait for him to sleep it off, then go drop me in the morning. I said that was okay.
So we get to his house and the same lady I saw him with on Facebook and in church, opens the door. He introduced her as his younger sister who stays with him, I was so relieved. Anyway, he went to crash, while my sister and I sat in the lounge watching films. She was nice, but didn’t really say a lot.
Anyway, 2 weeks later, Tosan asked me out, and I said yes. We started a relationship, at this point I asked wale to give me a break, I told him I needed time. he insisted he couldn’t live without me when I told him I wanted to break it off with him, he said I could go sow my royal oats. He’ll be waiting for me. This guy was unbelievable. Anyway, I said okay and left.
Being with Tosan was like heaven, I fell hard in love with him, our relationship was the opposite of what wale and I had, Tosan told me what to do I did it, as for wale I told him what I wanted, he did it. But I didn’t care, if we were to do the math, wale loved me 90, I loved him 10% I loved Tosan 70%, and he loved me 30% but that was okay with me.
Shortly after we started dating, I got to know Tosan better he was possessive, he would get upset if he called me once and I didn’t pick up if he sees me talking to a guy, trouble if I get a call, the question, who was that? Would definitely come after my call. But on the bright side, he pampered me, bought me everything I ever wanted, a new car, trips to Paris, London, New York, Singapore, and South Africa, with him, never on my own. He didn’t like any of my friends, soon he isolated me from everybody, even my family, it was Tosan alone and no one else.
Then one day my sister’s fiancé saw me at ShopRite, and gave me a hug. He was still holding my hand when Tosan came from behind and dealt him a punch. I couldn’t believe it, I was about to protest when he dealt me a slap right in the middle of the store; it was so painful tears rolled down my eyes, I stomped off with my sister’s fiancé and left him standing there shouting after me to come back here.
For two days he called and came to the house. I refused to see him, then one morning I was going out. As the gateman opened the gate, Tosan was kneeling down on the driveway with an enormous bunch of roses. That day, he swore he would never lay a finger on me ever again.
Now, remember, wale was still calling once a week to ask if I had thought about our relationship. I would say I was still thinking. 6 months later Tosan proposed, up until then he hadn’t hit me. So I believed he had changed and said yes I will, what followed was a great big engagement party. At the party, he introduced me to a friend of his who just come in. When I saw him, he looked familiar. As the night progressed, we found out we were in Yale and then it clicked. We started laughing and chatting. Tosan would come round once in a while and then go off and talk to some other friends.
That evening when we got back to his place, he asked if his friend and I dated when we were at Yale, I said No, I barely knew him. He called me a lair and said he heard us catching up on old times. I tried to correct his impression but to no avail and that’s when he beat me to a pulp. He just lost it. By the time he was done with me, I was barely breathing. His sister had to rush me to the hospital.
The doctor said I was lucky, I had a broken rib, fractured arm, wounds all over my body where he had punched me repeatedly and a broken wrist. at that point, I asked his sister to call my parents and the entire story came out. My dad was upset. He felt I brought this upon myself, having warned me that boys like Tosan, spoilt and entitled, had no manners or respect for a woman. Wale would never raise a finger on you, he said. That marked the end of my relationship with Tosan. He begged and begged, but it was too late. That ship had sailed already.
As for Wale, God bless him, he forgave me wholeheartedly and now am back with him and totally content.
I learned my lesson the hard way. Most times, what God wants for us, which will surely do us great good, is not what we want for ourselves. A spirit of contentment is what everyone should pray for. I had everything I needed right in front of me, but I could not see it, I thought Tosan was better for me. It just goes to show looks can be deceptive and the grass is not always greener, on the other side.


Image from freepik.


  1. I was that girl. Unfortunately mine didn’t end happily. The guy I left, didn’t want me back. Noe I’m still single at 44. Wish I read this years ago. Hopefully someone will read this and make amends before it’s too late.


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