Six friends Goke, Franny, Kate, Dotun, Muyi, and Annie meet every Friday night, all married except one, to table and discuss, dissect and find solutions to this everyday life issues.
TODAY THEY DISCUSS- Emotional Affairs, Mistaking niceness for affection

Goke- Guys what does it mean to be having an emotional affair?
Muyi- Thank you, Bro, I would like to know too
Franny- Can one even have an emotional affair? I am confused here
Kate- What? Emotional affair?? What does that even mean??
Annie-Calm down guys, let the expert talk to us about it, come on Dotun you are the psychologist, don’t keep us in suspense…. Spill…
Dotun- Guys, well let’s start with a simple definition, it’s having an affair in your mind and not physically, but it could graduate to being physical within a second. There is a very very thin line between Emotional Affairs and actual Physical Affairs.
Kate- Really?? Please tell us more….
Dotun- Well, all of us here have friends of the opposite sex, in fact we are all here as friends. Now how does it all begin?? Initially, it starts with you being friendly with each other, which is fine but then, you start to get very close, at this point your thoughts start gravitating towards the person. You start to miss them so much when they are not around, you can’t stop thinking of them, even when you are with your partner. You find that you always want to be around them, you tend to feel some comfort you don’t feel with your partner, their advice and counsel is first among others. To the extent that when making out with your partner, you are imagining them in your head. Please bear in mind that, at this point, it’s very possible that you might not have had anything physical but you are definitely already having an emotional affair with the person.
Franny-Wow! O my gosh!! Does that mean most of us are on the border of having an EA or are already having it?
Annie-Yeah, this is so scary
Muyi- wait guys, I love you ladies like my sister, yes, once in a while I imagine you naked in my head but I quickly push it out of my mind
Goke- Hmmm, Muyi, I trust you, womanizer, imagining women naked, na wah! for you Bro
Dokun-Guys, let’s stop pretending or pointing accusing fingers, we are all here to learn and find solutions to this issues, I have my own in my trousers, I have had hard-ons when am around some of my female friends, it can be so embarrassing
Kate-lol…I can imagine, I hope it’s not around us
Dotun-I wouldn’t tell you if it was oh!
Goke- well back to my question, how do you know when you are getting too attached?
Muyi- my own is how do you have a female friend and keep your thoughts pure?
Dotun- I think we guys have serious issues, sometimes we mistake niceness for affection-
Annie- Exactly, thank you my dear, you just hit it on the head and I’ve had that problem so many times. I am very nice to guys, ask them how they are, compliment them, and smile a lot and the next thing they think I am attracted to them. Can you imagine?
Kate- Your own is even better, one of my client’s was celebrating his birthday, his secretary had informed me the day before when I came for a meeting in his office, so I ordered a bottle of champagne and a card and got it delivered on behalf of my company, the next thing I know, the guy is asking me out. Am a married woman I said and his response, the married the better…
Franny- What!!!!!!, really, he must be bonkers, ordinary champagne? The guy must have a pretty boring life. I’ve had a few guys get overtly friendly because of my niceness but I’ve put them in their place.
Muyi- You girls think it’s just you lot it happens to, All I did was compliment a girl and she began stalking me, asking for my hand in marriage, she was so desperate…lol
Dotun- Niceness, and affection? That’s really a struggle. There have been so many misconceptions, people have been heartbroken as a result
Muyi- I would say it’s more of the case of assumption is the mother of all fuck ups
Franny- Yes o, Niceness or Affection, hmmmm, that’s a tough one
Goke- I had a colleague at work, she lived along my route home, I met her a couple of times at the bus-stop and one of those days it was raining , so I gave her a ride, the next thing she would wait by my car every evening and I would oblige her and drop her at home, it was really not out of my way. Then one evening on our way home, she told me it was her birthday the next weekend. I said congratulations, she asked what I would buy her, I said wait and see. The Saturday came and went, I saw her missed call that morning, but I forgot to call back. On Monday morning, as I arrived at the office, she was waiting for me outside in the car park. As I got out of my car, she started to have a go at me, for being inconsiderate and leading her on, I was so shocked I couldn’t even respond, I just watched her as she had a go and left me standing next to my car with my tail between my legs.
Annie-lol, Tail between your legs….what an expression.
Dotun- it’s great we all see the lighter side of this but believe me it has broken many relationships. A friend left his wife because he assumed the attention a female friend was giving equated to love. She was single and he married. His wife also worked in a bank and hard early starts and late closes. He was a lecturer in a university so he had more flexible hours. This single lady would ride with him home, they began to spend more and more time together. Soon he will stop over at her house to have dinner before he drove home because his wife got back so late sometimes she hardly had time to cook. Soon he asked the single lady out and she refused and told him she could never come between him and his wife, she also would get married one day and didn’t want that to happen to her relationship. This love-struck guy thought if he left his wife, the single lady would go for him. So he left his wife but unfortunately found out the hard way that she didn’t love him and all she was doing was being nice to a very good friend. She told him she felt comfortable with him because he was married. Just imagine that.
Goke- wow! That Bro must have been devastated. What a shame
Dotun- He goofed big time.
Franny- All I know is that women or men who are caring and nice get their gestures misconceived a lot.
Kate- I think it’s because a lot of people grave attention and niceness but don’t get from the ones they expect to get it from. So when it comes from an unexpected source, they take to that source like super glue.
Annie- Craving attention, hmmm, I know what you mean, I’ve had guys, married guys tell me when I was single all sorts of porkies about their wives. I guess they just wanted to get into my pants.
Muyi- Well guys we are not done yet, Dotun, is it right though for married people to have friends of the opposite sex?
Dotun- Am the only single one here, you guys already have friends of the opposite sex, how has it been with your spouses?
Muyi- well my wife is cool with my homegirls here, I guess because they are married she feels secure.
Goke- my wife was a bit upset about our closeness when we first got married but once she got to know Annie, Franny and Kate she realized they were more like sisters than friends
Annie- My boo, didn’t like You guys at all, he felt I should stop talking to all of you especially Dotun, but I put my foot down and asked him to get rid of his female friends and I would mine, but he couldn’t because his best friend is a girl. Eventually, he grew to like you lot and now he’s comfortable with all of you except Dotun.
Dotun-lol, what did I do now?
Franny- For one you are single, eligible and wealthy, two, you are too handsome and butch, most men feel intimidated by you…lol, As for me my hubby loves you all, he said once I said I do, to him, everyone else was insignificant, we trust each other and that’s what matters.
Kate- Am surprised, My hubby doesn’t like any of you, he believes you are to free, but he lets me meet with you guys because he says he will agree to anything as long as it keeps me happy, and my weekly get together with you guys is my only vice and he can’t deny me that.
Dotun- well I think we need to carry this forward to next time we meet, we still have so much to talk about in relation to these topics.
Goke- I second the motion……


  1. She heals, bravo, you just touched on a topic that gives a lot of us concern, looking forward to the continuation, thank you, love you guys for always being a blessing.


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